Immortal Befuddled
"Dying is Easy, Comedy is Hard"
Edmund Keane, 1834
Part One: Double Trouble
by Dennis E. Power

The many faces of Ollu and Buzsla

PRELUDE:
AN OVERVIEW AND EXPLANATION

Timeline

MEDIEVAL

The Long Ships (Columbia Pictures, 1963)

There is a legend about a great bell, called "The Mother of Voices," made of pure gold, three  times the size of a man, made by monks many years ago... This is the story told in the marketplace by a Viking called Rolfe. The story finds it way to a Muslim prince named Aly Mansuh who becomes obsessed with the bell. Rolfe escapes from Aly Mansuh and returns home. He convinces several men including his brother Rolfe to accompany him to find and plunder the bell. His paths cross again with Aly Mansuh whose powerful army destroys most of Rolfe crew. Rolfe and Aly Mansuh find the bell and Aly Mansuh attempts to steal it. He is crushed under its great weight. Rolfe and the remnants of his crew return to Scandinavia.

So what does this have to do with Ollu and Buzsla? They were among the men forced to serve as laborers by Aly Mansuh when he sought to steal the bell. When Rolfe and his men returned North, Ollu and Buzsla went with them, having tired of desert living after a couple of centuries.

870's

"Vikings" Abbott and Costello Animated Series episode No.10

Abbott and Costello get carried back in time and wind up with the Vikings. Costello accidentally becomes a Chief and has to fight a battle. By accident he wins and must marry an ugly princess. Instead he gives up his crown and rushes back to his own time.

The bit about the time machine and time travel is false in this instance and is merely added comic flair. Shortly after arriving with Rolfe and his crew, Ollu and Buzsla must prove their worth to be accepted into Norse society. Ollu enters into a friendly bout of fighting that turned deadly. He killed his opponent by accident and was charged with the care of the man's family. This included a daughter of marriageable age. Her actual appearance is unknown but given her unmarried status at the advanced age of twenty-four, it may indeed have been less than enchanting.

"Dragon Along" Abbott and Costello Animated Series episode

This medieval story finds Abbott and Costello as royal dragon slayers. The King offers his daughter's hand to the man who slays the dragon. Abbott cons Costello into fighting the dragon. He then talks Costello into letting Abbott claim the reward. The daughter is homelier than the dragon.

This is a sort of a shaggy dragon story. Ollu's account of how he tricked Buzsla into marrying a woman even uglier than his wife. The incident of the slaying of the dragon may have been an allusion that Ollu and Buzsla knew the historical Siegfried. It may have been based on their actual slaying of a Tatzlwurm, a large possibly warm-blooded reptilian species that once lived in northern climes. See The Mad Goblin by Philip Jose Farmer. Or the entry on the Tatzlewurm in the Encyclopedia of Strange and Unexplained Physical Phenomenia by Jerome Clark

1190 Jack and the Beanstalk (1952)  Abbott and Costello feature film

In this film Bud and Lou are employed by Cosman Employment agency.  Their assignment is to baby sit a young boy and his infant sister. Lou reads the book Jack and the Beanstalk but falls asleep amid dreams that he is the Jack of the legend. The Giant has stolen all of the country's food as well as the crown jewels. So to regain the Crown Jewels, the Princess must marry Prince Arthur, whom she has never seen. On his way to town to sell his last possession of value, t he family cow, Jack meets Prince Arthur who is also kidnapped by the Giant. Mr. Dinklepuss, the fast talking butcher trades five magic beans to Jack for the cow. Word comes that the giant has also kidnapped the Princess.
    Jack plants the magic beans and overnight the beanstalk grows into the sky. Jack declares that he is going to kill the Giant, rescue the Princess and retrieve the goose that lays the golden eggs. Dinklepuss joins Jack on his climb. At the top of the beanstalk the boys are quickly captured by the giant. Jack and Dink conspire with the giant's housekeeper to escape. After a furious chase through the castle, the prisoners escape and climbed down the beanstalk. Jack chops down the beanstalk killing the giant.

The film's story follows the legends of Jack the Giant-Killer fairly closely, considering there are quite a few variations. Some place the story of Jack the Giant Killer as taking place in the time of King Alfred, other in the time of King Richard and others in the time of King Edward. Since two of my source materials indicate the time of Richard I, I will be going with that date. While the recent discoveries and advances in the disciplines of cryptozoology, physics, psionics, preternatural history and archaeology have demonstrated that what was often believe to be mere legend or myth was often factual to a certain degree, the story of Jack and the Beanstalk and its fantastic elements are not supernatural but rather based in scientific reality. The science was so advanced that it seemed magic to the inhabitants of twelfth century England.

    John Rackham used diaries, archaeological evidence and current scientific theory and speculation to reconstruct what actually had taken place in this incident. Unfortunately his theory was published in the form of a novel. It was also incomplete in that it left out some things of which he was not aware.

   Rackham's theory published as Beanstalk goes thusly.

    Jack was the offspring of the Earl of Dudley and of the Widow Fairfax. The Earl had claimed the right of jus primae noctis, also known as droit du seigneur, upon Edwina. This was the medieval custom; probably little used, in which a feudal lord had the right to sleep with a bride on her wedding night. It could be avoided by a fine. Unfortunately the Fairfax family did not have the wherewithal to pay a fine. Jack was the result of this union. Upon the birth of her son, Earl Dudley had appointed Edwina's husband a game warden. When Fairfax had died Jack inherited the title.

    The Earl Dudley and most of his men had accompanied Richard to the Crusades in the Holy Land. Jack and his mother suffered several small calamities, including the death of their sow, the death of four of their cows and a bad growing season for their wheat and vegetables. This had left the Fairfax homestead in a bad state. Jack would be unable to pay the required tithes. Jack resolved to sell their remaining cow to keep them out of debt. As he walked with the cow towards the market place he encountered a strange blue cloud out of which came a magic house. From the magic house came a small man dressed in a suit that brought to mind a suit of armor.

    The small man was not a goblin in armor as Jack first supposed but rather a spacefarer inside a spacesuit. The suit was malfunctioning and did not compensate for the higher gravity of Earth. When Jasar, the spacefarer,  managed to get the suit functioning correctly he was ill from the effects of gravitational compression on his body. Jack invited him to rest at his house. Jasar agreed, hoping to learn more about the surrounding area. For his part in the dinner Jasar brought food created in a food synthesizer.

    Jasar told Jack that he was a solider in a war being fought among the stars. The Salviar Federation was the remnant of a once mighty Federation of Free Trade planets but a group of criminals had created a rebellion in the Federation. The Hilax Combine was slowly conquering the remaining planets of the Salviar federation using planet killer weapons to force cooperation. Above Jack's world was an important station, called Hilax four. It was a combination of surveillance post, repair station, depot for war loot, fleet waystation and strategic fortress. The presence of the station successfully thwarted any attempt by the Salviar fleet to flank the Hilax Combine and perhaps change the course of the war.

    Hearing of this castle in the sky and of the great loot that it had acquired Jack resolved to accompany Jasar on his quest. He thought this would be a way in which to pay off their debts. He was also filled with a martial spirit having wished to accompany Earl Dudley to the Holy Land to fight in the crusades.

    Jack helped Jasar plant some large, seed shaped objects. These were the compact components for a tower. Once planted the seeds placed themselves into the bedrock and then formed an interlocked tower that telescoped to the stratosphere. The tower masked the approach of Jasar's vessel and also provided the correct timing and velocity to match Jasar's vessel with the orbital satellite.

    Jasar decided that it would be better not to involve Jack since if his involvement became known, the Hilax Combine would loot his world despite its primitive state. Disappointed in this decision Jack decided to climb the tower on his own. Luckily Jasar noticed him climbing the tower and managed to get him into his vessel before the tower powered up.

    Entering the station Jack discovered that the Dargoon, the main species of the Hilax Combine, came from a world where the flora and fauna were approximately ten times the size of that of earth. While trekking their way through a hydroponics garden of which the grass were as large as trees they encountered a giant rat which Jack killed with his bow. They also encountered some giant pigs and a giant housecat which Jack was also forced to dispatch by an arrow in the eye.

    They also encountered Haldar, a human prisoner of Garmel, the stationmaster. Garmel kept Haldar as a pet since he was a master craftsman and could repair or fashion new devices from the loot that the Combine brought to the station. He also made Haldar maintain the computer systems of the station. Haldar was kept prisoner by a ring about his waist that Garmel could constrict at his whim causing Halder excruciating pain. He could also if he so desired use the ring to bisect Haldar. Haldar informed Jasar and Jack that getting on the station might have been easy, getting out was another thing. Garmel had created a very sophisticated security network through the use of a cybernetic net that he also used as the computer system in the station. The cybernetic net consisted of the brains of those small humanoid captured by the Dargoon, he had removed them from their living bodies after sufficient torture. The Dargoon considered humanoids the size of Jack and his friends as animals lacking souls and so had no regard for their welfare.

    Haldar mentioned that he had wired a self-destruct mechanism into the ship's security protocols but was too much of a coward to use it. Garmel summoned Haldar. Jack and Jasar followed. Garmel had discovered his dead cat and believed it had been killed by a micrometeorite that had pierced the station's defense shields, he punished Haldar for letting the screens down and set him to correct the problem. To get himself out of his bad mood Haldar called for some music. This is where the living harp so prevalent in the Jack in the Beanstalk stories comes in. A woman stood on a base and had several golden wires trailing from various parts of her body to a device set above her head to a glossy black cable hanging from the ceiling. This woman was Silvana a well-known entertainer of the Salviar Federation, she had been made into a cybernetic stereo for the entertainment of Garmel.

    Haldar was released to go and fix the defensive shields. Jasar and Jack managed to free Haldar from his slave band. Haldar and Jasar went to set the self-destruct mechanism, setting it so that each system would slowly cease to function and burn out while the main power plant would achieve critical mass and explode. Jack decided to rescue the woman while they were doing this.

    All the men were successful in their tasks. They had timed the station to self-destruct moments after the station had reached the correct position for Jasar to ride the ship down to earth. Garmel realized that the station was dying and found Jack and his friends. They battled their way to Jasar's ship. Garmel followed Jasar's ship as it left the station, also riding down the tower. The firefight damaged both ships. Garmel's ship fell out of the grid and crashed to earth.

    Jasar's ship was too damaged to take Silvana or Haldar with him, so they would have to remain on earth. Since Haldar had a bag of power gems, which were also quite valuable simply as gems, he knew he and Silvana could set themselves up nicely. Silvana did not mind since she had fallen in love with Jack. Earl Dudley had returned from France, apparently having not yet departed for the Crusades and wished his taxes to be paid. Haldar pretended to be a foreign Knight and bought some land from the Earl Dudley. This land also included the Fairfax estate. So the tale endeth happily every after.

    But not so fast, what about the hen that laid the golden eggs? How does this fit in with the version with Ollu and Buzsla?

    Mr. Rackham's depiction of the events is pretty accurate but it does lack some information. Unbeknownst to Jasar Garmel had already begun to exploit Jack's world. You will note that in the version that Lou dreamed, The Giant was terrorizing the countryside, kidnapping people and stealing food. This portion of the tale is true. Ollu or Lou  however was not Jack although Buzsla (Bud) may have been a butcher. Garmel was taking local foodstuffs, against the Edict against interfering with this particular world, possibly to sell or use as exotic cuisine or possibly as trading items. The local foodstuff included livestock and part of the human population. He only took a little at a time; this may in fact be what had happened to Jack's livestock.

    Ollu and Buzsla seemed to be among the earth animals taken up to Hilax 4. They managed to escape from Garmel's cages and hid like vermin on the station. Garmel probably did not consider the earth people's intelligence worthy of being attached to the cybernetic net so those who did not escape were probably rendered into raw materials to be used in the production of food. The film version has Bud and Lou escape first by befriending the cook of the giant and going along with her plan of catapulting over the castle walls so they could hurry down the beanstalk. Ollu and Buzsla probably managed to discombobulate, through accident no doubt, the cybernetic food processor (the cook). Using the giant's spoons they catapulted themselves from the food preparation area to a cabinet where they were able to climb down.

    Ollu and Buzsla were last minute additions to the party consisting of Jasar, Jack, Haldar and Silvana. They joined in the firefight against Garmel using stolen weapons. They also had under their arm a device they had liberated from Haldar without his knowing it. The device had a flange mouth which curved downwards with a gooseneck attached to a round body. This was a matter conversion device that broke down scrap metal into energy and converted it into pure forms of base metal, lead, iron, zinc, gold, etc. Haldar had set it to extrude gold since treated gold was used in the ship's cybernetic wiring. The problem with the device was that it took a large amount of scrap metal and used up a good deal of power from the power crystals just to make one bar of gold. However to Ollu and Buzsla it appeared as though the thing laid gold eggs. They had watched Haldar but never approached him because he wore the giant's golden ring about his waist.

    It was their extra weight as well as the damage from Garmel's weapon systems that caused the damage to engine so that Jasar was unable to take Haldar or Silvana with him when he left. Upon reaching the ground while Jack and the rest made their way to the Widow Fairfax's holding Ollu and Buzsla fell back and then lit out with their great device.

    While running away from Jack and his family, Buzsla and Ollu encountered the crashed vessel of Garmel. They promptly began feeding it into "goose". They were able to get two bars of gold from the thing before it stopped working altogether. While they were doing this who should return but the severely wounded Garmel who crawled after them. Using the alien guns that they had stolen from Hilax 4, Buzsla and Ollu concentrated their fire on his carotid artery, severing it. So Ollu and Buzsla did in effect kill the giant, although given the extent of his internal injuries he would have succumbed in a number of days.

    Given their abrupt entrance and even more abrupt departure from the events at hand it is no wonder that Ollu and Buzsla are not mentioned or even described in the memoirs that provided the base material for John Rackham's research. One other anomaly is that in the film version the living harp is a male with a distinct Irish accent. Garmel may have created two living harps, one using a captive from earth who had been found with a harp. The harpist perished when the space station was destroyed.

    The whole business of the giant taking the crown jewels and kidnapping the princess and Prince Arthur are fictional. The mention of Prince Arthur does help to solidify the date however. In Beanstalk, Jack mentions that a man named Robin of Greenwood was the leader of a wild bunch of outlaws who robbed the rich and gave to the poor. He thought about joining them. We also know that Earl Dudley left to join the king on a crusade and that he had business in France. Taking these three admittedly thin pieces of evidence together we can date this adventure as taking place about 1190.

    We know that Richard the Lionheart joined the Third crusade as one of its leaders. We know that Richard was more the Angevin Emperor than he was the King of England which could explain Dudley's business in France. We know that during his absence when John was Regent are when most of the activities attributed to Robin Hood or Robin of the Wood are said to have taken place. The clue of Prince Arthur is also intriguing for Richard and John did have a nephew named Arthur, the son of their brother Geoffrey. Arthur Plantagenet was born 29 Mar 1187 and died 3 Apr 1203, purportedly killed by his Uncle John. Although Arthur was only a small child during the time period discussed it does help in allocating a date.

1296 "Merry Misfits" Abbott and Costello Animated Series episode

Abbott and Costello are seeking to become members of Robin Hood's merry men. They attempt to rescue Robin from an evil sheriff but mess it up.

You will notice that assigned a date of 1296 to this adventure despite previously stating that Robin Hood operated nearly a hundred years earlier. After getting their two golden bars from the alien device, Ollu and Buzsla were able to purchase for themselves a nice estate. They took turns pretending to be the sons of one another in this way they were able to take turns inheriting their estate without drawing suspicion of being extremely long lived and so be accused of witchcraft.

    After only seventy odd years things began to change badly for them once again. In April 1270 Parliament agreed an unprecedented levy of one-twentieth of every citizen's goods and possessions to finance Edward's Crusade to the Holy Lands. This was only the first of the many taxes levied during King Edward I's reign to pay for his expansion into Scotland, Wales and Ireland and the wars and rebellions that his policies brought about. By 1296, their holding had dwindled and they found themselves drafted to fight in King Edward's war against Scotland.

    Hearing that Robin Hood was still operating, even after eighty years they decided to look him up. They knew that chances were he would turn out to be once of those nutty immortals that went about cutting each other head's off but, you never know.

    They did not find Robin Hood but rather another outlaw dressed in woodland green, known as the Green Archer or the Green Baron.  The Green Archer's exploits, according to some, have been incorporated into the legend of Robin Hood. The Green Archer was John Caldwell-Grebson the 4th Baron Grebson. He was an outlaw for some twenty-nine years until 1326 when he received a pardon from King Edward II. The reason John Caldwell-Grebson became an outlaw was related to his father John Caldwell, a.k.a. Roger de Conde, a.k.a. Norman of Torn aka Richard Plantagenet a.k.a. John Carter a.k.a. Phra the Phoenician. (For more see the articles Torn from Phoenician Dreams and the Lives of Phra.) John Caldwell-Grebson, the Green Archer died attempting to rescue Edward II from Berkley Castle.

    Ollu and Buzsla seemed to have stayed with John Caldwell-Grebson for about twenty years until it became apparent that they were not aging. Caldwell-Grebson however, knowing of his own father's need to pretend to age, did not think of them as demonic or the results of evil magic. He contacted them and they joined in on his desperate battle to rescue the King. While it is true they usually avoided danger but sometimes if the cause was just they would exhibit some bravery.

1327-1330
"Galoots in Suits" Abbott and Costello Animated Series episode

  Abbott and Costello are tailors in days of old. They build a suit of armor and Costello has to battle a champion knight to rescue the fair maiden in distress.

"Super Knight" Abbott and Costello Animated Series episode

  Abbott and Costello are court buffoons who are forced to fight the villainous Black Knight. Merlin gives Costello a magic spell to help him fight in battle He does very well until the spell wears off.

The Court Jester

The two above animated episodes, Galoots in Suits and Super Knight and the film The Court Jester  (which was a film not starring any of the actors who usually portrayed the two immortal bumblers) refer to occurrences that happened during the historical incident described below.

When Caldwell-Grebson died he asked Ollu and Buzsla to make certain that the rightful heir of England sat on the throne.

Ollu and Buzsla joined a small band of freedom fighters many of whom were descended from the Green Archer's Men. They were lead by a man who was a descendent of the original Robin Hood, Robert of Locksley and Marian. He called himself the Black Fox.

    After Edward II was murdered in 1296, his son Edward III was named King. He was a minor however and the actual rulers of England were his mother, Isabella of France, and her Lover, Roger Mortimer. Roger Mortimer consolidated his power and became King in all but name. Edward III aided by some loyal followers among the barons eventually lead a revolt that ended with Roger Mortimer being executed and Isabella of France being imprisoned.

    A highly fictionalized account of Ollu and Buzsla's involvement in the guerilla war against Roger Mortimer and of the subsequent revolt was filmed as The Court Jester.

The evil King Roderick has usurped the throne of England from the rightful king of England, the small babe with the purple pimpernel birthmark. Only the Black Fox can restore the true king to the throne--and all he needs is the king's key to a secret tunnel. And while he's trying to steal it, someone has to change the king's diapers. The task falls to Hawkins, the gentlest member of the Fox's band. The Fox's lieutenant, Maid Jean, guards Hawkins and the babe while they  travel, but when they meet the King's new jester on the road, they decide to initiate a daring plan for Hawkins to replace him, become an intimate at the court, and steal the key. So, humble Hawkins becomes Giacomo: the king of jesters and jester to the king. But things begin to get zany when the King's daughter falls for Giacomo, the King falls for Jean, people randomly sing what are supposed to be recognition codes, and a witch with very effective spells (and poison pellets) begins to interfere.

This film used elements of the palace revolt which Edward III directed and in which the Black Fox took part. The film also added bits of information from previous and later incidents of English history.

    For example the purple pimpernel birthmark is a reference to Richard Plantagenet (The Outlaw of Torn's) acknowledgment of being the son of Henry III through the lily birthmark as seen in the previous entry

    The Usurper King Roderick is actually Robert Mortimer, the Queen's ambitious lover.

    The maid Jean was based upon two historical personages. The first of these being Edward III's young sister Joanna of the Tower b.1321 and the second being her cousin, Joan the Fair Maiden of Kent, b. 1328. Although in the film the King became enamored of the Lady Jean, in truth, this represented Roger Mortimer's desire to acquire control of Scotland through an arranged marriage between Joan and David Bruce of Scotland.

    The character of Princess Gwendolyn was actually Isolde, Lady de Audley, the older sister of Robert Mortimer. Her husband had recently died and she was to be used as bait to seal her brother's schemes. She may have become enamored of the mysterious Giacomo but would never have considered marrying him.

    Hubert Hawkins was actually a combination of the activities of Ollu and Buzsla compressed into one person.
Ollu infiltrated Mortimer's Court by using his skills at smithy to design and make weapons. Buzsla became a Court Jester, thought to be the professional assassin and spy.

    Robert Mortimer did use spies and used thugs to keep people in line. Two of his henchmen had a hand in the death of Edward II. (7)

    The character of Giacomo the assassin who posed as a court jester may have been a real person secretly brought to England by Robert Mortimer. The Italian kingdoms had long employed assassins. Isabella of France had a connection to the Southern Kingdom of Italy in that was ruled by her cousin, Robert of Anjou. Having England and France ruled by his cousin may have been worth the cost of sending an assassin to aid her. Giacomo, who could speak unaccented English, may have used the name William Ogle. Ogle was a henchman and confidant of Robert Mortimer who was present at the death of Edward II. Ogle's origins are mysterious although most accounts believe him to have been a product of the London lower class.

    The character of Griselda, a older woman thought to have some magical powers may also have been based on a servant of Isolde, although Griselda's powers such as they were appear to have been little more than a knowledge of herbs, poisons and some use of hypnosis to bespell people.

    The actual chain of events appears to gone something like this. 

After the Green Baron was killed attempting to rescue Edward II, Ollu and Buzsla met up with and joined the band of the Black Fox. Edward II was a weak king who preferred to consort with his male favorites rather than actually ruling the kingdom. Edward's forced abdication in favor of his son was seen by many as a boon since the flamboyant king was disliked by much of the populace and the baronial council. It soon became apparent to many that Isabella and Robert Mortimer' regency was a merely a ruse for them to consolidate power so they could become the actual King and Queen of England.

    While the Plantagenets may have not been well liked they were preferable to a foreign princess and an upstart with no claim to the throne. The Black Fox and his cohorts had at first been apolitical outlaws but Edward's vile death had converted them into patriots or at least into people who wished to see the rightful King take his place.

    The Black Fox's men captured Giacomo as he traveled to Nottingham Castle where Mortimer and Isabella resided. Under torture Giacomo related that Mortimer had hired him to eliminate his enemies as discreetly as possible, to spy whenever possible and to eventually remove the obstacles to the throne, meaning Edward III and his family. Giacomo had been kept at a distance from Mortimer as Giacomo established himself as a fool. Giacomo had discovered much information about many of the Barons that he would divulge to Mortimer.

    The Black Fox was worried when Giacomo revealed that one of their Baronial allies Sir Griswold was leaning towards throwing his support for Roger and Isabella. Robert planned on giving Griswold a suit of armor as a gift. Since Buzsla most resembled Giacomo and also demonstrated some ability at imitation he was chosen to play Giacomo at Roger Mortimer's court. Ollu accompanied him, pretending to be a smithy looking for work that Giacomo had hired as a guard.

    Ollu and Buzsla spent about a year and a half at Mortimer and Isabella's court. The film compressed this time frame into a couple of weeks.

    Buzsla as Giacomo sent information about the Mortimer's and Isabella's activities to the rebels and through them to Edward III. Edward III spent his time away from court with his bride, guarded by Mortimer's most trusted men. Ollu was one of several smiths working on a commission to forge a suit of armor for Mortimer. This suit was to be a gift to Griswold. It was supposed to be a magic suit of armor in that Griselda added in ingredients to the molten metal that would make the armor impervious to harm. Whether she believed this or not is debatable.

    Griswold joined forces with Roger on the conditions that he would recieve the gift of magical armor, that his political enemy Edmund, Earl of Kent, the half brother of Edward II would be condemned by the crown. Griswold also wished to seal the bargain with marriage to Isolde, Mortimer's sister. Although Edmund, Earl of Kent had welcomed Isabella when she had landed to seize the throne for her son, he had come to regret his part in her ascension. He was also seen as a risk to Robert and Isabella's rule because he was circulating a rumor that Edward II was still alive and held in captivity.

    A mysterious headman executed Edward, Earl of Kent on March 19, 1330. The regular headman would not take part in this travesty of justice. According to history a condemned man did the deed for a full pardon, although it may have been Griswold under that headsman's hood.

    During the summer months of 1330, Edward III was brought to stay in Nottingham castle for his own protection against the increasingly rebellious barons.

    Griswold forged an alliance among the Barons which would, upon the unfortunate demise of Edward III, his wife and his heir-- the baby Prince Edward, acknowledge Robert Mortimer's ascension to the throne of England through marriage with the widowed Queen.

       Buzsla, as Giacomo, played upon Isolde's infatuation with him and her antipathy towards Griswold whom she did not wish to marry. Giacomo insulted Griswold and maneuvered him into settling the affair with trial by combat. Griswold was unaware of Giacomo's supposed prowess as an assassin and thought he would have an easy victory, since Griswold was one of the champion knights of the realm. Robert Mortimer was beside himself at the prospect of losing his assassin or his main supporter. In the end, he believed he would manage to find some method of ridding himself of Edward and supported Griswold.

    For his part Buzsla relied partially on the armor that Ollu had forged, hoping that he had forged true. Isolde ordered Griselda to use her magic to Buzsla'a advantage. He relied mostly on pellet of poison that Griselda was to put in the cup of wine Griswold drank before beginning the fight. The most memorable scene of the film the recitation of Hawkins stating "The pellet with the poison's in the flagon with the dragon; the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true." Is oddly enough historically correct. Also as in the film Griswold became aware of the plot and did not drink the poison. Buzsla was forced to defeat Griswold on his own merits. Robert refused to allow Giacomo to kill Griswold and ended the contest when Griswold lost.

    Griswold left Mortimer's court in humiliation. As Griswold rode back north to his baronial estate, the Black Fox and his band of outlaws killed him.

    Mortimer's plans were in disarray and he ordered Giacomo to poison King Edward III and make it look as though the plague had taken them.

    Fortunately King Edward III had reached his majority and had decided to move to "dethrone" Mortimer in the next few weeks anyway. Edward sent word via Giacomo to the Black Fox who then got word to Edward's confidant William Montacute. On October 19, 1330 William Montacute and a group of armed men entered Nottingham castle through a secret passage. In a pitched battle several of Mortimer's supporters were killed and Mortimer was captured. He was hung drawn and quartered with his body hanging for a period of either two days or two weeks.

    Isabella was sent to live in exile at Castle Rising in Northern England.

    As for "William Ogle" he escaped all efforts to find him and was said to have gone to live on the continent.

1330-1345 After their efforts in aiding Edward III become the true King of England, Ollu and Buzsla were awarded with some estates. Ollu and Buzsla soon lost these small estates as they were forced to sell them to pay for the King's property levies to pay for the War with France. Ollu and Buzsla were conscripted to fight in the Hundred Years war. After dying on the battlefield in France, they decided that they had had enough of these mad English for a while.

    They traveled across Europe intending to make their way to an Italian port. From there they wished to visit the Mediterranean once more.

1334 Fumbled Fable Abbott and Costello Animated Series

This episode is a parody of the Little Red Riding fairy tale in which Costello take the place of Little Red Riding Hood and Abbott is the Woodsman that rescues him in the end.

While traveling through France Ollu and Buzsla met up with a young woman taking food to her grandmother who had been sick for a few weeks. They accompanied her for part of the distance to her grandmother's house. After leaving the young woman,  Ollu and Buzsla came across the ravaged corpse of another young woman.  By the tracks and the condition of the body, Ollu and Buzsla realized what had killed the young woman. Ordinarily wolves do not attack humans unless driven mad by hunger. They had seen this type of attack before and dreaded meeting this type of wolf face to face but felt obligated to save the young woman. They followed the young woman's trail as rapidly as they could. They arrived at the grandmother's cottage only to hear growls, barks and screams.

    Bursting into the small home they discovered the young woman wrestling with a large gray wolf. Ollu stabbed it with a sword and forced it away from the young woman. Buzsla beheaded the wolf with his axe. Both sections of the decapitated wolf quivered for a moment before dying. The dead wolf transformed into the decapitated corpse of an old woman. The young woman screamed hysterically and fainted.

    Ollu and Buzsla buried the old woman's corpse. When the young woman awoke she told them that she found her grandmother in bed but that her grandmother transformed into a wolf and tried to kill her. Then Ollu and Buzsla and rescued her from the wolf. Ollu told her that her grandmother had been killed in her bed by a wolf and that the wolf had been disturbed by the young woman as he was starting to feed. When the wolf had attacked her they had killed the wolf.

    Ollu and Buzsla insisted on accompanying the girl back to her own village in case other wild wolves were lurking about. They stayed on at her village for a few weeks, working as huntsmen and woodsmen.

    The young woman's father did not like the interest that Ollu and Buzsla seemed to have for his daughter and refused to allow them in his house. On the night of the full moon watched the young woman's house carefully and saw her walk from the house into the woods. She stood in a field and in the direct full moonlight transformed into a wolf. Ollu pierced the wolf's heart with an arrow made of ash while Buzsla cut off its head.

    They felt very badly at having killed the young woman but knew that it was better that they had prevented her from killing anyone.

    The Perrault version of Little Red Riding Hood has the young woman being eaten by the wolf, The Grimm Brother's version has the young woman being rescued by a woodsman. Both versions apparently have elements of truth in them.

    Ollu and Buzsla had recognized the manner in which the first corpse they had found as the work of a were-wolf. The large human sized wolf tracks confirmed their hypothesis. The corpse had strands of long gray hair in its fingers, pointing to a very shaggy wolf or an older person who was a were-wolf. They immediately had thought of the woman's grandmother who had been ailing for a couple of weeks.

    So is this the *true* story of Little Red Riding Hood, and were Buzsla and Ollu present? One cannot know for certain but considering that they, unlike other persons do not tend to name drop or claim to be at every historical happening imaginable, I tend to believe this tale, and the three others that follow, actually did happen to these two.

1337 Glass Reunion Abbott and Costello Animated Series (Holy Roman Empire)

This episode is a take off of the Cinderella fairy tale. Costello is the poor ragged chimney sweep and Abbott is the fairy godfather who sends him to the ball, where Lou is pursued by an adoring and beautiful princess.

The involvement of Ollu and Buzsla in the story of Cinderella is rather small. Ollu and Buzsla were passing through the Holy Roman Empire in what will eventually be known as Viseria, feeling the pangs of hunger they stopped at a large estate of a minor noble to ask for charity. The lady of the house sent them around to the servants' entrance to get some old bread and dried beef, for which they would chop wood.

    They were met at the door by an adolescent woman who gave them more food than she was told to do. As they ate she showed them the gown she was making so that she could go to the Winter Ball. It was said that the Margrave's son would pick a suitable wife from the young women present at the ball. The girl wished to at least have the chance. The only thing she was missing was footwear. Ollu and Buzsla trapped and skinned a sable. They presented the girl with a fair of sable slippers. They also claimed that they would find her suitable transportation to the ball. Working their way among the estates of the higher and lower aristocracy, the found a servant that was willing to rent a coach and horses to them while their master was at the ball.

    Buzsla and Ollu drove the girl to the Winter Ball in the rented coach. They had to get the coach back to the servant before midnight so that he could return his master home.

    The girl made a great impression on the Margrave's son and he launched a search to find the girl who had left the fur slipper behind. (8) Buzsla and Ollu had made themselves scarce by this time because the servant had been seen letting Ollu and Buzsla borrow the coach and claimed they had threatened his life.

1338-1350 Eighth Dwarf Abbott and Costello Animated Series (Holy Roman Empire)

Snow White is captured by an evil giant and Abbott and Costello pester the monster until he gives her up. The Seven Dwarfs honor Costello by making him the eighth and present him with a broom and eight dirty rooms to clean.

Still passing through the Holy Roman Empire Ollu and Buzsla traveled to the Harz Mountains.  They were shocked when they once again met up with their three fellow immortals who were working as miners in this region. The three miners had their own mine that they worked secretly with two old time dwarves. These dwarves were not dwarves in the medical sense and did not suffer from pituitary, glandular dysfunction but rather were an ethnic group of small people who had lived in Europe since the last ice age. They had all but died out by the Middle ages, those communities that did remain, stayed hidden in small villages in the mountains.

    Also living with "the three from the other tribe" was a young boy they called Quattro. Years earlier while they had been living in Northern Italy, the Three From The Other Tribe had saved the boy from an assassin. The boy lost him memory as a result of the attack and the three stooges had removed him from the vicinity.

    Buzsla and Ollu stayed with the other five miners for several years, accumulating much silver and gold. One day while hunting for food they found a small child sleeping next to the corpse of a deer. The deer had been eviscerated and heart, lung and liver had been removed. Practical Ollu and Buzsla took the deer. The little girl told them that her stepmother had ordered a huntsman to kill her. The huntsman however could not bring himself to do the act and had killed a deer and butchered it, taking some of the guts back to the wicked stepmother to prove he had done the deed.

    The wicked stepmother was in fact the Liege lady of Wernigerode Castle who was said to possess a magical mirror. She had wished her stepdaughter killed because the girl was fairer than she was. This and because while little Snow White lived her father refused to give the stepmother a child and make that child the heir.

    For ten years the little girl and the little boy lived with the seven miners. The stepmother tried on three occasions to kill Snow White posing as an old woman peddling wares. She first tried choking Snow-White by selling her with an overly tight dress that constricted her lung capacity. She then tried a poisoned comb that paralyzed Snow White. One of the three stooges was able to counteract the paralytic potion. The third occasion was through the use of a poisoned apple, even though Snow White was prudent enough to have the old woman bite the apple first, she still succumbed to a poison.

    Unfortunately Mough's pharmaceutical knowledge was not enough to save the princess from a death-like sickness. The miners constructed a coffin of pure glass so that the beauty of Snow White could be viewed by all that had known her. Since Snow White remained warm and did not decompose Quattro refused to give up hope. He stole Snow White out of the coffin and carried her towards Wernigerode Castle where the wicked stepmother ruled. He intended to demand a cure for the curse from her, one way or another. He tripped over a tree stump and Snow White flew from his grasp and he stumbled headfirst into a tree. A piece of poisoned apple that had lodged in Snow White's throat was dislodged and the drugs that Mough had given her began to take effect. The blow to the head also restored some of Quattro's memory, he remembered that he was named Affascinare and was the son of the King of a small North Italian Kingdom.

    He told Snow White that she was his true love and that she would be his Queen.

    The seven miners bid farewell to one another. Ollu and Buzsla accompanied Affascinare to his small Kingdom in the Northern Italian Alps. Ollu remembered that this was near the location where there was a sacred area where drawings and etching were made during the Stone Age.

    Buzsla and Ollu stayed with Affascinare and Snow White for about a year before moving on once again. They were witnesses to a surprise visitor who had showed up at a ball celebrating the birth of the son of Affascinare and Snow White. She wished to bless the child. Snow White recognized her despite a disguise as her wicked stepmother. After the death of Snow White's father she had been deposed. Affascinare ordered that the guest would also receive the blessing that she deserved. Iron slippers were put upon the fire. They were brought in with tongs, and set before her. Then the former Liege lady of Wernigerode was forced to put on the red-hot shoes, and dance until she dropped down dead.

1351-1360 Ollu and Buzsla used their accumulated gold and silver to invest in a trading ship with some Genoan traders. Buzsla became Captain of the vessel because of a coin toss, although he may have used a two-headed coin.

1360  Their ship foundered in a storm and crashed upon the rocks near Cos.

1360 Magic Mix up Abbott and Costello Animated Series

Princess Sleeping Beauty is rescued by Abbott and Costello's super magic after she is captured by the evil wizard. However in a face to face contest with the wizard Abbott discovers he has run afoul of the fastest Wand in the West.

While on Cos they met another man who claimed to be a Knight-errant, he was on a quest to rescue an enchanted princess. He asked if they were interested. Buzsla said that they have had too much of that sort of thing recently. The Knight mentioned that the Enchanted Princess also had a large treasure. Buzsla and Ollu became interested. They nearly changed their minds when they heard the story.

    The daughter of Ypocras (9) had been put under an enchantment by the goddess Diana or Artemis. She had pricked herself with a knitting needle and began to suffer a sickness which not even her father could cure. Artemis explained to Ypocras what had happened to his daughter. She had been put in so deep of a sleep that she only awoke once every six months. She did not age. Her father had usurped the authority of Apollo over medicine and healing. This was Ypocras punishment; to age and die while his only daughter slept so deeply that he could not awaken her even with all of his medical knowledge. The castle stood behind an impenetrable wall of thorns. A dragon guarded Yprocas' daughter.

    Ollu was reluctant to go to the isle of Lango but Buzsla asked if he was going to let an old wives tale about a dragon stop them from getting their hands on some treasure.

    When they reached the island the Knight errant let them know that several others had tried to rescue this enchanted Princess but had all perished, either killed outright by the dragon or or had died horrible deaths from the poison from the Dragon's venom.

    They circled around the castle, which appeared to actually be a ruined Asclepion; a temple dedicated to Asclepius.(10) There was a cavern underneath the ruined temple but the cavern's entrance was guarded by a huge sleeping dragon. Buzsla and Ollu convinced the Knight that they should find a way to the Enchanted Princess' chambers through the temple.  They spent several hours hacking through a thick growth thorny vine covering the entrances to the temple.

    Once inside found a stairway leading down into a large chamber filled with the bones of fish, various animals and human skeletons. In a smaller off to their left was chamber containing a small pallet covered with dusty cloths. Next to the bed was a wooden chest filled with scrolls. Buzsla picked one up and saw that it was written in Grecian script from nearly a thousand years before. This was the treasure, writings of Hippocrates and even of Asclepius. There was no sign of the Enchanted Princess.

    Stepping back into the large chamber they nearly walked into the open maw of a hideous dragon. The dragon stared at them with glowing orange eyes. It reminded Ollu and Buzsla of a crocodile's head as large as an elephant's head but with serrated lips, curling horns which curled sideways from the each side of the chin, mandible, zyloid process and forehead. The body of the dragon was so dark a green it seemed black, the claws were silver and curved like scythes.

    Buzsla and Ollu grabbed the Knight's shoulder and pointed towards the stairways leading back up to the temple. They ran towards the stairs. A gout of flame cut off their escape.

    The dragon spoke, telling them not to run unless they wanted to die. The drgaon explained that it was the girl they sought, this was part of the curse upon her. She was condemned to spend her days in the form of a hideous dragon. Only on two days out of the year did she transform back into a woman. She would remain a dragon unless someone of aristocratic birth kissed her. Those men who visited her island and did not kiss her were condemned to death, she would be compelled to hunt and kill them. Once visitors left this chamber they became fair game. The goddess had a sadistic sense of humor.

    Ollu and Buzsla claimed that they were not of the aristocracy and so could not kiss her anyway. They would take their chances running. The Knight believed that the dragon was lying and pulled out his sword. In the aftermath of the fight that ensued, the Dragon was grievously wounded and the Knight lay dying from several poisoned claw marks that had penetrated his armor. The dragon began to weep. The Knight lifted his head and kissed the dragon on the lips.

    The Dragon screamed out for Artemis, telling her that her price had been met and to lift the curse. A few moments later the dragon transformed into an attractive girl in her mid-twenties and the knight gained most of his strength back as the poison left his system.

    The girl who said that her name was Hygiea (11)was overjoyed to be free of her curse and wanted to be free of the accursed island. They loaded the chest containing the scrolls and the wounded knight in the back of the back of the small boat they had used to come from Cos. While Ollu and Buzsla paddled, the girl attended to the knight. Halfway to Kos the knight screamed out in horror.

    Buzsla and Ollu looked back. The chest filled with the scrolls had crumbled into dust, as had Hygiea. Buzsla was certain that he heard a merry but malicious feminine laugh. (12)

1360-1400 Upon reaching mainland Greece, Ollu and Buzsla felt like seeing some of their old stomping grounds and traveled about in Greece. They happened across a band of people speaking a language very reminiscent of ancient Indo-European. Demonstrating their various skills which included metallurgy, music and an understanding of their language and religion, the Rom were convinced that Ollu and Buzsla were part of the Dom, which had split away from the original band in Persia.

NEXT

Timeline

NOTES

7. This is at least what Thomas Costain believes in the Three Edwards, as well as some other sources. Exactly whose idea was the manner of Edward's rather vile method of execution is most often laid upon Roger or Isabella. Edward was impaled by a red hot poker through an orifice opposite of his mouth.

8. Although it is still debated for many years the belief has been that Cinderella originally wore fur slippers and that is due to a mistranslation of pantoufle en vair (a fur slipper), mistaken for en verre glass.

9. Hippocrates was a Greek physician born in 460 BC on the island of Cos, Greece. He became known as the founder of medicine and was regarded as the greatest physician of his time

10. Asclepius was most probably a physician who practiced in Greece around 1200BC. Eventually through myth and legend he became Asclepius, the Greek God of Healing. Many temples and shrines were dedicated to him. People went to these temples, called Asclepions, to pray that their illnesses would be cured.
11 if this girl was indeed named Hygiea then it could be that she was not Hippocrates daughter but rather the daughter of Asclepius. This would make sense that Artemis was jealous of Asclepius because he was also worshipped as a god.  People also believed that Asclepius's family had healing powers. In particular his daughter, Hygiea gave her name to the word hygienic, which means clean

12. This Artemis who had cursed Hygiea may have been the Artemis who was the sister of the powerful being known as Apollo. These powerful beings had many of the same powers of the Q Continuum but they seemed to have limits and needed to remain in a corporeal form. Artemis remained aware of events happening on the Earth long after she and the other Gods had departed.  For more on Artemis see Being Human by Peter David.

SECRET HISTORY TABLE OF CONTENTS

© 2002 Dennis Power

Ashley, Chip The Dino-Boy FAQ.
Bramly, Sege. Leonardo: Discovering the Life of Leonardo Da Vinci, Harper Collins 1991
Brucker, Gene Renaissance Florence, Wiley and Son 1969
Burroughs, Edgar Rice The Outlaw of Torn, Ace 1978
Brown, Mark Prehistoric Survivors in the South Pacific
Burton, Richard Francis The City of the Saints and Across the Rocky Mountains to California
Cervantes, Miguel de "La Gitanella".
Clark, Jerome The Encyclopedia of Strange and Uexplained Phenonomena, Gale Research, 1999
Clebert, Jean-Paul The Gypsies, Penguin, 1963
Costain, Thomas The Three Edwards, Popular Library 1964
Cox, Stephen and Lofflin, John Abott and Costello Story, Cumberland House, 1997
David, Peter Being Human, Pocket Books 2001
Don Markstein's Toonpedia
Eckert, Win The Original Wold Newton Crossover Chronology
Farmer, Philip Jose Doc Savage: His Apocalyptic Life, Bantam 1973
Farmer, Philip Jose The Mad Goblin, Ace
Farmer, Philip Jose Tarzan Alive,
Farmer, Philip Jose Time's Last Gift
Island of Lost Souls, Universal Pictures, 1933.
Johnson, Charles Captain A General Historie of the robberies and murders of the most notorious Pirates,
Lai RickThe chronology of Shadows.
Manguel, Alberto and Guadlupi, Gianni The Dictionary of Imaginary Places, Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1987
Mandeville, John Adventures.
McClanahan, Michael D. The Story of Damon Runyon, 1999
McLoughlin, Dennis Wild and Wooly: An Encyclopedia of the Old West, Barnes and Noble 1995
Mitchell, Glenn, The Laurel and Hardy Encyclopedia,  Batsford, 1995
More, Thomas, Utopia,
Okuda, Michael and Okuda, Denise, Star Trek Chronology, Pocket Books, 1996
Paul, Lee Henry Plummer: Man of Mystery
Phantom Empire, Mascot Pictures,
Rackham, John Beanstalk, Daw Books, 1973
Rabelais, Francois Five Books of the Lives, Heroic Deeds and Sayings of Gargantua and Pantagruel
Rogozinski, Jan Pirates: An A-Z Encyclopedia , Da Capo 1996
Rogozinski, Jan Honor Among Thieves: Captain Kidd, Henry Every and the Pirate Democracy in the Indian Ocean, Stackpole Books, 2000
Rovin, Jeff  Return of the Wolfman,
Rovin, Jeff Encyclopedia of Monsters
Scarre, Chris Exploring Prehistoric Europe, Oxford University Press, 1998
Sherman, Steven Legendary Aviators and Aircraft of World War One, August 1999
Silva, Joseph Island of Dr. Moreau  Ace, 1977 (film novelization)
Smmons, James The Hatfields and the McCoys
Time line of Romanai History
Thrilling Detective
Twain, Mark, Life on the Mississippi
United States Navy Official Site Battleships: The List, Updated: 18 April 2001
Waller, Altina L. The Hatfield and McCoy Feud
Wells, H. G. The Island of Dr. Moreau
Wolff, John U.S. relations with Brazil During World War Two

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